Okay, so I'm in a unique position. I have to go to college, get married, have kids, come off my meds pre-conception.... basically makine me wheelchari bound... or get a surrogate partent for my future children. Regardless... I hate the fact that I have plan my future tomorrow. Gosh, what kinda surrogate is going to not drink, nor smoke, nor party (dance), nor drink caffine (coffee, soda, tea, etc.), nor consume more than 50 carbs a day. Much less eat fish twice a week. Take all the vitamin supplements I give her. Gosh, and my mom is just too old to do it ianymore. And I have to try for twins my first try so that I can get two and be done. Plus it's like 20K for a surrogate. EEK! I would prefer family... simply because they would do as I ask. One problem, I have none under the age cut-off (38) for a healthy birth. ...much less by the time I'm ready. But if I choos do carry my own children... I'll be bed-ridden, with twins, and doted on. and sore. and in severe pain because I will have to come off my Humira (that let's me walk), Lyrica (that keeps my pain levels down), Flexeril (that keeps my muscle spasms down), Trazodone (to keep my children's mental health level), and things like Antivert (dizzy), Temazepam (sleep), or Depo-Provers (stops female cycle for 3 months) for 18 mo. prior... eek! For a week each month.. I'll be incomassitated. Gosh, I just dont know what to do anymore. I won't adopt for fear of the health or mental issues they may have unknowingly inherited. I will use my own egg and my best friend (who I would die/dlo anything for) or future spouse's sperm with it.GRRR

And then, I've been single for about 2 years now... on and off with a fea guys... mostly off. So, this kinda sucks.... nobody likes the rare (but not "rare and collectable), sickly, determined, opinionated, compassionate to the point of self-detriment, etc.... girls. Fun... it seems whenever I'm me and act like one of the guys,.. that's all I ever em... but I've gone the makeup thing... oh well. So, if any of you have non-corny advice on any of this.. i would greatly appreciated.